Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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