We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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