I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
