Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
