just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
