Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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