just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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