thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The power of my boobs compel you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
