The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
