Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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