i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
