hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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