He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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