he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ladies don't puke and tell
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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