If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
