doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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