just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Acid is not a monday night drug
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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