I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
