Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
