Kiss
Puke
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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