Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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