Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
