those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
