The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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