people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
