btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
