You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
