forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
