I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
