my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
