The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
