Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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