Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
