You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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