She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
