Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
