Have you finally orgasmed yet?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
