Please, let me fuck your mom
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
