I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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