Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
