Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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