When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
