she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
