Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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