you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why do cheetos always look like penises
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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