Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
