I am puke
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
