I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
