ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
