Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
