The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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