he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
