..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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