Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
