i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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